


When your plants give you dating advice...

by katychan666



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 06:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Crowley tries to find a way to properly ask the angel out for a date. He struggles until he gets some good advice - from his plants?





	When your plants give you dating advice...

The demon had his hands pressed up against his sides as his eyes were scanning his plants; searching for any kinds of dry leaves or torn patches on the leaves. Any imperfection and his plants were going to get it! He wasn't going to stand for anything less than perfect. He wasn't just any demon, he was  _ the _ demon Crowley, who had high standards and if the plants weren't going to listen, he'd just have to deal with them again. He could hear the leaves of a plant that was behind him shaking in fear and as he quickly turned around, the plant stopped moving, so Crowley decided to go inspect. Usually, the fearful ones were usually hiding something and as he had gotten closer, the plant was shivering again.

So, he leaned closer and clicked with his tongue when he noticed a few dry leaves. ''What is that?'' asked Crowley in a voice that sounded sweet and warm, but it was laced and thick with threat. It was him more asking the pant  _ who allowed you to get dry leaves?  _ As soon as he said that, the plant started shaking with fear and Crowley rolled his eyes when he heard the others doing the same, rubbing his temples and in the end he just groaned, leaned down, picked up the few dry leaves and then disposed of them.

Crowley decided to take pity on his plants for a change. ''Take pity?'' heard himself ask Crowley and he narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. It wasn't in his nature to take 'pity' on things, especially not on his plants and he just rolled his eyes. Ugh, the angel's good side had finally started rubbing off on him after thousands of years of them being friends and he just pressed his lips. ''What in the name of Satan?'' growled Crowley and even though he was annoyed with himself, he couldn't bring himself to do the plant any harm.

''It's all the angel's fault,'' ranted Crowley, who was now talking to himself more than anyone else. Well, he was talking to the plants – kind of, in a way? ''I mean can you believe it?'' asked Crowley the plant he was nearest to and he shook his head. ''We've been close...  _ friends  _ for thousands of years,'' said Crowley and then crossed his arms on top of his chest when the plant started shaking in... protest? ''Oh, you think you know better, do you?'' asked Crowley and then glared at the plant, who quickly stopped moving and Crowley sighed.

''Well, I suppose friends would be a bit-'' said Crowley and then looked at the other plants... it seemed like they were listening on the whole conversation? Eavesdropping, were they? He couldn't have any privacy, not even in his own home! ''I mean, angel and are I close... co-workers?'' asked Crowley and then looked at the courageous plant, who just shook again. ''Okay, I know, alright? It's more than friendship, but I tried asking the angel out in every subtle way that I could think of and it didn’t work,'' whined Crowley. The plant wiggled and Crowley arched an eyebrow. ''What the hell is that supposed to mean? I did ask nicely.'' 

Crowley pulled back a little bit when he realised what he was doing – was he just arguing with a plant? Yes he was and he suddenly felt really stupid when the realisation started sinking in. However, he was always a demon with an inflated ego and he wasn’t going to let a  _ plant _ win this argument. Not under his roof. The plant continued wiggling and Crowley arched an eyebrow, what in the world was it trying to tell him?

“I asked politely,” said Crowley. “I asked the angel for a glass of wine and he still didn’t get it,” whined Crowley and the plant started shaking again. “What do you mean I should be more upfront with my feelings,” said Crowley and growled. “I’m a demon I don’t do ‘feelings’,” said Crowley and then started walking around in circled. The plant was mocking him, wasn’t it? If this continued, he would just have to use  _ other _ methods to keep it quiet for good. “Oh, you think you’re so smart, do you?” yelled Crowley on top of his lungs and the other plants in the room started shaking from fear, but the brave plant stood there courageous. 

“Tell him directly how I feel about him?” asked Crowley and then blinked a few times. “But that would involve me actually using real emotions and I can’t do that,” said Crowley. “Why? Because I’m a demon, you dimwit,” said Crowley and then started rubbing his temples. “How about I try out some other ways? Pick up lines as humans like to call them,” said Crowley and was proud of himself that he came to that conclusion all on his own. “That could work, no?”

Yes! But Crowley didn’t have any pickup lines, so he started walking around in circles. “Think, think… you’re a demon, Crowley, you’re over 6000 years old, you’re… Oh, I’m a mess,” whined Crowley and then clasped his hands together, raising his finger. “How about this?” asked Crowley when he thought he came up with something good! “Angel, listen!” exclaimed Crowley, pretending that the plant was Aziraphale at the moment and he took in a deep breath. “Thinking about you makes my heart skip,” said Crowley and then arched an eyebrow. “Well, I don’t have a heart, of course I don’t. I mean I am a fallen angel, so a demon and we don’t have hearts, it’s technically just a figure of speech, but-  _ Oh what now? _ ” whined Crowley when the plant was shaking again.

“Okay, how about this; are you made out of sugar, because you give me cavities?” asked Crowley and then realised how stupid that sounded. “That’s rubbish too, it sounds like I’m a cannibal wanting to eat him. And it is  _ not _ funny,” grumbled Crowley, because he could tell that the plants were now all mocking him and he glared at them. “Want me to turn you all into ashes?”

“How about: you better call your headquarters and tell them that-  _ oh for fuck’s sake  _ who cares,” whined Crowley and sat down defeated. “It’s useless, plus he’d never say yes to me,” said Crowley. “I’m a  _ demon _ he’s an angel and well,” said Crowley. “I’m selfish and cruel and not very trustworthy and he deserves better, honestly, but,” started Crowley having a full on breakdown in front of the plant. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Aziraphale is better off without me and- wait, what’s with you?” asked Crowley the plant on the side, which he didn’t remember it being there usually. It was shaking and plant’s leaves were suddenly full of droplets of water and he arched his eyebrow. “Hey, what in…  _ Aziraphale? _ ” shrieked Crowley when the plant suddenly shape-shifted into his angel and he made a step back. 

“You should love yourself, Crowley,” whispered the tear-eyed angel and then suddenly realised he was talking. He opened his eyes and realised that he was no longer in a shape of a plant and he looked down. “ _ Fuck, _ ” exclaimed Aziraphale and Crowley blinked a few times. “Well, this is awkward,” said Aziraphale and cleared his throat. “Well, would you look at the time, I believe it’s time for me to get going and-”

“Hold on a second,” said Crowley and grabbed Aziraphale’s shoulder and kept him in place. “Why… are you stalking me?”

“I’m an angel, I don’t stalk… I was…  _ watching over you, _ ” said Aziraphale.

“Oh, sure,” said Crowley sarcastically. 

“Well, I should-” started Aziraphale as his cheeks were bright red then and he was pacing. 

“So you’ve heard-”

“Really am late to a meeting with-”

“You don’t have a meeting, I know your schedule and-”

“Crowley, please-”

“Hey, you’re blushing!”

“Am  _ not. _ ”

“You’re a terrible liar, angel,” pointed out Crowley and then narrowed his eyes. “So, if you’ve heard me before, then maybe we can talk about it?’’ asked Crowley. “The plant said I should be more upfront with my… feeling. Ugh, that word, hate it,” said Crowley. “Feelings aren’t for me, angel, they really aren’t. For starters demons-”

“Oh, do shut up,” said Aziraphale, who was smiling and just did what felt natural – quieted the demon with a light kiss on top of his lips and Crowley stopped talking as he stopped functioning. “I  _ know,  _ okay?” asked Aziraphale with a flush. “About that glass of wine… what it meant… I mean I said yes, didn’t I?” asked Aziraphale and Crowley frowned. “I’ve been saying yes for thousands of years, Crowley.”

“Oh,” said Crowley. “ _ Oh. _ ”

“Yes.”

“For a demon and an angel we surely are-”

“Silly?”

“Sure,” said Crowley and then happily looked at the angel, who was now sheepishly smiling at him. After talking about it for a bit longer they really did come to a conclusion that both of them were just a couple of… dimwits. Aziraphale giggled at that and then happily agreed to a dinner with Crowley, both of them finally agreeing to call it a proper  _ date  _ even though they’ve been on millions of dates so to speak in the past, this one was going to be their first official one!

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ~


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